He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
