I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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