Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
