why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
this is an emotional support booty call
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have tasted many bathrooms
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
