i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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