we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
