White coat. Heels.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
