You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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