My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
