Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
