my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
