Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
