I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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