i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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