I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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