chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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