New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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