If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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