Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
