just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
