First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
