well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
