Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I woke up under a house in Key West
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
