never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As shirtless as possible
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
