I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
