no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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