This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
