Non-Jews are for practice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
