Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How does one acquire holy water?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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