I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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