I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
