I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
