At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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