omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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