I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
birth control should be required to get into college
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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