Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
