Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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