Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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