Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
