Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
