I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
