I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
