She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
