You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
