i may or may not be watching the land before time
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I looked at my own cervix.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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