pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
