Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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