if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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