We got so high we made milksteak
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
