I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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