so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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