you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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