I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
