haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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