I'm going to jail i love you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
