Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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