So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
