Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
