Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
