Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
