I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
