First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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