i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
