its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
