Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
