bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
