It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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