hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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