Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
