i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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