Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
