just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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