the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
