I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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