Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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