I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
