I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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