Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
